IM BACK PEOPLE

So i have decided to revive my reviews blog for my loving fans. all three of you. so heres two rather juicy items for you.

TOM PHILL MUSIC

Tom Phillips is possibly my oldest friend, so naturally you'd assume that this review will be biased. it isnt. unfortunately, whilst little tom is trying very hard, he is managing to make music that is rather good.
By combining beetz and choonz to make sweet beat-choonz (yeah, i went there), Tom has managed to showcase a range of techniques, including remixing and writing his own material. His cover of Lostprophets - Sway is especially good, partly because it carries some sentimental value for us ("I won't lie.....I'm telling the truth") and it is a genuinely good mix up of an already good song. Keep up the good work Tom.

SCORE: 8/10

STALE CLOSE-UPS OF MOPEY TEENAGERS 3 (TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE)
Now, you may already have read my facebook status that says that this film is the best film from the twilight saga, in the same way chlamydia is the best STI. As it stands, this is the latest installment in the stale and dull twilight saga. And now, i know why.
The whole plot is about the unbreakable love between Edward Cullen (Vampire) and Bella Swan (Human). Now, without getting mopey, i have felt love before, and i dont greet the person i love with a dull grimace. allow me to illustrate. Edward looks like he needs a poo when he asks Bella to marry him. Now, nervous? ok, hopeful? ok. constipated and somewhat angry? er, no. and on top of that, jacob black (EITHER WEAR THE T-SHIRT, OR DON'T) keeps popping in, with his Neanderthal brow and voice that sounds like he's a 14 year old who's about to cry, and tries to kiss bella.
This is precisely why the film just does not work. the chemistry between the supporting characters of alice and jasper, whilst only seen for a second, is so much greater than that between bella and edward. without this chemistry, the plot of the films flops and wobbles through its two and a half hour duration. there is some plot, yes, but it is disjointed and jerky. but if you love topless tanned guys, this film is for you. But there is little else to attract.

Exam Wednesday

Hey guys. Today i had an exam. it was wonderful, could not have gone better. no honest, it really was. So, heres my review, and unfortunately, its only a short and shite one. Not that any of you'll care, because being human, youve probably already played them. Anyway, enjoy.

CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE and CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 2

.....yeah, theyre pretty good

Scores: 9/10

How fun is procrastination?

"How fun is it?" i hear you cry. Well, not as fun as it should be, because i have a conscience. But i DONT have a conscience about some of the reviews below...

ABERYSTWYTH MAY BALL
Ok, so this is a review of the whole thing apart from the two acts ive reviewed below, they deserve a section to themselves. SO, for £40 i got to stand around with jo in a freaking car park, pay through the nose for shit drinks, and get my neck broken by Walzers. Great.
Anyway, it all began well, we got all dressed up nicely in my new suit and a prom dress, and went to the bus. I was then told that we had to buy tokens for drinks, £10 for a strip of 4 tokens. £2.50 a pop. When we got there i realised that one token could get me a VK, a bottle of beer, a can of bitter, a glass of champagne (read piss) or a single and mixer. £2.50. OR a double jaeger/vodka and redbull. for a fiver. not. happy. Then we stood around for hours, waiting for a couple of jo's mates to bungee jump. and then we got a prom photo. think back to your prom, how much did it cost? no more than a tenner right? WRONG. £16. SIXTEEN FUCKING POUNDS. Lovely photos maybe, but £16 a pop? riiiiight. Feeder, were, well, see below. And the we went and chilled out on bean bags in a chillout tent and saw a couple of acoustic songs. Then i threw up on the bus back. Wow. For £40 plus £100 for the suit, plus £30 for the bus, plus £16 for the photo (total £186) i could have....fuck... why did i go?
And the final nail? I missed rugby 7's at keele and a supposedly fantastic night out after wards. cheers aber uni, just what i always wanted: to be arse raped. The only plus side was Feeder and i got to spend time with Jo.

Score: a generous 3/10

IRON MAN 2
Before i saw this film, it came across and a bit of a marmite film. Some loved it, some hated it. And i can gladly say that i am smack down the middle. Not a mouldy piece of crap, not the Shawshank Redemption
Basically, Iron Man is dying, the bloke who helped Tony Stark's dad invent the core has a psychotic son who is working with Stark's rival to create killing machines and Gwyneth Paltrow is being a whiny bitch, as always. Be warned dislikers of arguments. Her and Robert Downey Jr could squabble and bicker in the olympics. Couple that with the over exaggaration or Scarlett Johansson's gorgeousness (FILM: "SHE'S GORGEOUS. LOOK AT HER, CLEAVAGE, BOTTOM, CATSUIT. LOVE HER YOU FUCKERS") and the characters can become a bit irritating. Downey Jr though, is just himself, narcissistic and cocky. and the better for it.
So not too good yet? Nah, them points above are just niggles. Great action sequences, flashy special effects and a surprisingly good, albeit predictable, storyline make this film a good laugh. Theres no harm in it. Oh, and theres alot of AC/DC, which is worth a 10 on its own.

Score: 7/10

FEEDER
When I told my friend Sarah that i was going to see Feeder at Aberystwyth Uni's May Ball, her reaction was "Aaaaah, theyre amazing live." When I told my friend Cory that i was going to see Feeder at Aberystwyth Uni's May Ball, his reaction was: "Mate, one of the best live bands ever." When I told my friend Jay that i was going to see Feeder at Aberystwyth Uni's May Ball, his reaction was: "Saw them at Reading. Brilliant."
When saw Feeder at Aberystwyth Uni's May Ball, i agreed with them all. They were brilliant. Sure, their set was only like 8 songs long, but they played all the hits, and better than they sound on record. From the gorgeous bittersweet Just the Way im Feeling to the madhouse jumping of Buck Rogers, they wiped the floor. Well done to the Welsh trio. Proper crackin' gig like.

Score 9/10 (miss out on top score because of the short set)

LITTLE SHIT BIT
TIM WESTWOOD (Aber May Ball)
Seriously, a deaf epileptic with downs syndrome, no arms and the attention span of a goldfish could have DJ'd better than the Big Dawg. I can sing his set:
*Bum shicca shicca bumbum shiccashiccashicca *air horn air horn* "ALL MA SEXY LADIES IN DA HOUSE" *repeat**

Score -56/10

New Wednesday Blood

A few Reviews here for you. Bit of a bumper issue for the first Wednesday i'm doing this, just some juicy buggers to get your teeth into

KICK-ASS
If anyone has been to the commodore theatre in Aberystwyth, then you will now it is a moulding piece of shite in comparison to Vue cinemas. One screen, crackly sound, spots on the picture from the projection. In fact, i'm suprised the film isnt turned by hand. But for a couple every hours at 7:30pm, every evening, the old screen shows a film. one film a week, and if its a big film (read: twilight) then it shows it for two. So, on a date, i went there to see kick-ass. I'd already heard good reviews, but nothing, even the bloke standing outside saying "its so fucking hilarious maaaaaaaate" could have prepared me for the assault on my bladder through laughing. The last time i saw a film this funny in the cinema, it was a little british number called "Hot Fuzz," and seeing a granny getting fly-kicked in the face is one of those things you cant not laugh at. So Kick-Ass. Following the story of an average (albeit geeky) New York lad's quest to be a super hero hads: a great plot, great gags (none of which are forced), a suitable level of cheese, and it has McLovin and a little girl killing people and saying "cunt" in it. What more could you want?
And best of all, its the fact it doesnt take itself too seriously. There is no consideration for the laws of physics, but not in a "fast and furious" way. I can recommend this film to anyone, except those with a mortal fear of little girls, blood, violence and bad language. So no pussies are allowed to watch my film of the year so far.

Score: 10/10

SHILAM INDIAN RESTAURANT, ABERYSTWYTH
I am a big fan of indian food. If you are too, then you may want to avoid this restaurant. Sure, you can do worse, and it might be better getting a takeaway, but lets just say i didnt leave a tip. and i used to be a waiter.
Jo and I arrived there at 8pm, and got the menu's. Ordered drinks at 8:15, ordered food at 8:30, food arrived at 8:50. Everytime asking a waiter to come and take the damn orders. Now im not a shy person. i can talk to Jo for hours on end. But i personally dont like to wait that long for anything. a pint of beer cost me £3.40, which i can deal with in a restaurant, and a Meat Sagwala £7 odd. For my £7 sterling i recieved a small plate of curry. yes, small. And in every bite i chewed through a cumin seed. "yummy," i hear you cry. "Cumin? I LOVE cumin." Riiiiiiiight. There isnt anything wrong with a little cumin, but a seed in every mouthful? er, no thanks. The rice was dry and in minimal quantities too. See a developing trend?
So, for a recap, service was slow, the drinks were ok...ish, the portions were small, the rice and the meat was dry and for relatively tasteless food, there sure were alot of cumin seeds. Not again thanks.

Score: 4/10

NEED FOR SPEED: SHIFT
Need for speed is one of those game series which is not quite sure what it is. It must walk around all day like the ugly duckling thinking "what the fuck am i, and where the fuck did i come from?" And im asking the same questions: "Are you an arcade street racer or are you trying to bring car modifying into the Gran Turismo genre?"
Ive concluded the answer is BOTH! yes, thats right, you heard it here....well....not first because the games been out for a couple of months, but you did hear it here. Shift has tried to fuse together street and track racing. Bear with me.
Essentially, the idea of the game is to bomb around tracks in your modified street/track monster and beat the opponents to earn money, and to drive well to gain driver points. NOW, the money for positions malarkey is all well and good, but the driver point system iiis.....well, a massive, massive contradiction. If it were a street racing game, this would be fine, no problem, because street racing is a very arcadey environment. When youre on a track, with racing lines, apexes, and kitty litter traps, ramming the car in front up the arse to gain points for a "dirty overtake" or a "tap out" seems a bit stupid and irrelevant. But it is fun smashing up a Bugatti Veyron. Ye, i just said it.
On the whole, however, Shift is a pretty solid game. Theres plenty of variety in the cars, lots of tuning options, some pretty sweet graphics, loads of official and unofficial tracks and the set paint-jobs aren't too bad (you'd be mad to try and do your own). Its just the silliness with the points system makes sticking to the track-based racing a bit pointless, because it is much quicker and goes totally unpunished.

Score: 7/10

TESCO VALUE COLESLAW
Oniony, acidic and hardly any carrots. But for 46p for a 500g tub, who's complaining?

Scores:
Flavour - 4/10
Value - 8/10
Overall - 6/10

COASTAL SPINS RADIO SHOW (KUBE RADIO) www.kuberadio.com
I decided to review this show as one of the hosts, Lauren Naish, lives in my block in uni, and all would be rosy. So i thought. The WORST part of this radio show is that it airs between 10 and 12 on a wednesday morning. Sorry, did i say worst? i meant the ONLY bad part of this radio show is that it airs between 10 and 12 on a wednesday morning. It is a brilliant show. And i'm not only saying this because Lauren is a friend, the whole idea of the show is to play music from across the pond from America (boo hiss) and Canada (whoop whoop). Today, however, was a little different, as Lauren and her co-host, Libby Jay Chrisholm, decided to play some of their favourite songs knocking about overseas. And it really is all goooooood.
Now, i am a fan of chilled mornings, and this morning the ladies on Kube provided the perfect soundtrack. Whilst it may not have been "my" type of music, the chilled, acoustic, bittersweet, piano and guitar rythyms wafting through the room as i lay in bed were gorgeous. Sure, the music may have been a bit samey throughout, but how is that a bad thing? I'm seriously considering writing a letter to the BBC to get that fat twat Moyles off the air and plonk these two in his place. Job well done girls.

Score: 10/10

Now youre in Liberty City, concrete jungle what dreams are made of....

First up games wise for the new PS3 was a bit of car theft, violence, murder and drugs trafficking. no, not to raise funds for the games, but i bought Grand Theft Auto 4. 10 of my shiny pounds for one of the best games (apparently) money can buy. The story is of an illegal immigrant from eastern europe: Niko Bellic, who comes to amerika to make his fame and fortune. By killing people. Unfortunately, i was playing it after owning a PS2 and completing GTA San Andreas. And that IS the best game on the PS3, no question. For 2004, it was a masterpiece. Sure, the graphics were a bit sketchy, but to become that immersed in a fake world was really...well....good. So naturally i had high hopes for GTA 4. And granted, it is a huge feat in gaming. i am yet to play a game that simulates a whole city so well. and half the stuff is totally pointless. you can check your bank balance on an ATM, when its visible in the top corner of the screen the whole time. You can steal any car. You can go anywhere (virtually). Interiors are part of the one continuum, so there are no pauses when running from the cops into your house.

But besides all this, the game never feels as immersive and as warm and as friendly as San Andreas. There's no sense of attachment to anyone in the game. And Rockstar have tried to make it too simulation like. And more simple. There are no more driving skill meters and the like. But the way Niko Bellic runs is made to be more "realistic." And by doing this, rockstar have taken away some of the pointless sandbox joy to be had. Dont get me wrong. Its Still a fantastic game. Its just everytime i play, i crave the warmth and sense of family in San Andreas.

Oh, and its a bit grey too. Like, all the time.

Score: 8/10

Phone Contract Goodies

Recently (over easter), i joined the 21st century and decided to bite the bullet and go on a mobile contract. After shopping around a bit i got me a deal: Samsung Tocco Lite, 300mins, unlimited texts and a "free" PS3, all for a seemingly tiny £25 per month. And so far i cant fault it. of course, i had to shell out for a new telly to go with the PS3, but it is a brilliant console. sure, the games are expensive, but good second hand games are knocking about now, and the HDMI cable (which can be nabbed for a couple of quid) makes it all look gorgeous. The major problem for the whole bundle though is my fingers. bear with. the tocco lite is a touch screen phone. and i have podgy fingers. so that makes texting with the qwerty keyboard (turn it sideways when texting) quite difficult. for example "i like jam." often comes out as "I lile jsm?" which might be perceived as a bit rude.

All in all, however, a very good package. I was spending £20 a month on a pay as you go phone before, so essentially i'm paying £120 (24 month contract) for a PS3 and a phone. now thats a good deal.

Scores:
Phone - 8/10
PS3 - 9/10
Price Plan - 8/10